The Stories We Tell Ourselves

For all of human history, we’ve used stories to share information, make sense of our world, and fill in the blank spaces in what we don’t know. When we share our lives with dogs, those blank spaces can feel even bigger. We can’t ask our dogs what happened before we adopted them, how they’re feeling, or what occurred while we were away. So naturally, we start creating explanations. We tell ourselves little stories about what our dogs must be thinking, feeling, or reacting to. This is completely normal and very human. But sometimes those stories can get in the way of understanding what’s actually happening and, more importantly, how we can help.

A common example is when someone adopts a fearful or anxious puppy or dog. It’s easy to assume that something terrible must have happened:

“He must have been abused.”

“She was probably neglected.”

“He was attacked by another dog.”

These are all possible explanations. But the truth is, we often simply don’t know.

When we focus too much on creating a backstory, we may unintentionally overlook the dog right in front of us. Instead of filling in the unknown, it’s more helpful to focus on what our dog is showing us now and what they need in this moment to feel safer and more confident.

Some dogs are naturally more sensitive or prone to fear and anxiety due to genetics, just like people. Environment and life experiences absolutely matter, but they aren’t always the entire explanation. What matters most is not guessing what happened before; it’s responding thoughtfully to what we see today.

When we shift our thinking from “What must have happened to this dog?” to “What does my dog need right now?” everything changes. We begin to observe more clearly, respond more compassionately, and make training decisions that truly support the dog in front of us. And that’s where real progress begins.

Good training isn’t about fixing a story. It’s about understanding behavior, building trust, and helping dogs feel safe enough to learn. When we focus on the present instead of the unknown past, we can make meaningful changes that improve both your dog’s life and your relationship together. Dogs don’t need us to solve their past; they need us to understand their present.

I got a story to tell you.